Black As My Soul, Part II (or I'll Take It... If It Comes In Black)

For any people reading this post thinking, um... this might be about fashion, and I should run away.  It is, but you shouldn't run away!  I promise.  It's not as scary as you think.  Here's why: clothes are tools.

Yes, clothes are tools.

Let me explain.

When I was in 7th grade, my wardrobe consisted of XXL sweatshirts from Eddie Bauer that completely obscured my form and jeans that kind of sort of fit.  That was what I wore, every day.  It did absolutely nothing for my self-esteem (which was already at an all time low), and absolutely nothing for my time in 7th grade.

Fast forward 4 years to the summer between 10th and 11th grade, and I was happily at Interlochen Fine Arts Camp, with... drum roll please!  ... FRIENDS!  I had made friends.  Wonderful sweet friends who liked me for me.  It was the best summer of my childhood.  One of the most memorable experiences was when I borrowed clothes from my cabin mates for a dance.  My mother had insisted I only needed to pack uniforms, so I had nothing of my own to wear.  I gave back to my cabin mates by helping them with their hair, and returning the items, freshly washed.  However, for the first time in my life, I recognized that feeling pretty as a girl was in and of itself a super power.  It didn't matter how other people reacted to what you wore, although favorably was nice; that wasn't what mattered.  If you had the confidence that you looked good, you could do anything!  It was a revelation for me.

For the next several years, I consistently read fashion magazines (along with the classic novel in my bag... just depended on my mood).  It wasn't for the gossip or the celebrities.  It was for the clothes.  All the textures of the fabrics.  All the different looks and how you could change or modify your form with the design of the clothing.  All of it was immediate love.

During one of my summers during college, I worked at the mall in a post-pregnancy - middle aged to older women's clothing store.  I was able to use my knowledge to transform anyone's appearance into something the wearer found favorable.  Not all women want to look pretty, but they do have distinct preferences that makes them feel like them.  It is easy to pick up on these and match or amplify them, if you understand the language of clothing.  For me, it wasn't only easy: it was fun and gratifying.

Like it or not, people are EXTREMELY visual.  If you wear something visually appealing: they will notice you.  If you would rather go unnoticed or blend in, this is equally possible with the right wardrobe.  To know how to dress one's self, in our bloodless culture (barring you are part of the military, police, or doing illegal activities, then it's not necessarily so bloodless), clothing can be used to help one advance in any field one chooses, in any way that is most advantageous to them.  It can help announce our identity, our purpose, our profession, our work ethic, our attitude, or any other variety of things you can think of.  You must choose wisely, but it is all possible.

Part of choosing your wardrobe is understanding color theory (which I will cover in another post, if anyone is interested).  I look best in jewel tones and/or pastels, and pure whites and blacks, according to my skin tone, hair color, and eye color.  It makes me look healthier when I wear these tones, which psychologically makes me look more appealing.  I wore these shades from the middle of high school (when I first learned about color theory) until a few months ago, when they no longer fit my lifestyle.

Those of you will laugh that I have now moved to a gray-scale palette for my wardrobe when I do two things: I associate wildly and happily with pagans (some of the most colorfully dressed people I know), and my loud personality (especially when I am around people I like).  I have shifted my focus from colors that make me look appealing, to colors that help me focus (black, being my favorite).  I have all the bright colors within my personality.  I do not require them outwardly as well.  Others find bright colors exciting; at this time, I find them distracting.  So, I have changed my wardrobe.

I have also greatly reduced the number of items in my wardrobe.  I found I was only wearing a "uniform" from my old wardrobe of jewel toned items, anyway.  Why not spend the time I was using to choose clothing in the morning to do something creative?  Like blogging, perhaps?  ;)  Or practicing?  Or writing the many novels in my head?  Now, if fashion is your passion, there is nothing wrong with taking an hour or two to handcraft your daily look before going out into the world.  I love fashion, (otherwise, this post would not be happening), but it's not my priority right now.

In making the remainder of this post useful for those who have gotten this far, how does one begin to craft one's wardrobe?  Good question.  Here are a few questions to ponder:

Question One:  What is the aim of your appearance?

A few things to think about to get you started:  

• Do you want to look like the gender(s) which you are attracted to should rip off your outfit?  
• Are you going to an interview and/or wish to look professional? (This varies wildly based on your profession, but it is a good starting point to know if this is one of your goals.) 
• Are you going to be doing heavy labor of some kind?  
• Are you working in a hazardous situation that requires special clothing (the medical profession, a construction site, a machining shop, etc.)?  
• Are you going to be working with children (especially important if it is other people's children)? 
• What do you consider your attractive qualities?  Do you wish to down play or emphasize them?
• Do you wish to look older, younger or exactly your age?  
• Is your fashion sense a statement, an aside, or completely in the background?
• How much do you want to be noticed?
• What do you want people to notice about you based on how you dress?
• How do you feel about the word "provocative" as a descriptor for someone's fashion sense?

Question Two:  How much time are you willing to spend on your appearance?

Parents with babies out there and people with any sort of chronic illness: yes, I know, the answer is ZERO!  However, looking good and choosing a wardrobe that takes zero time to put together each morning is possible.  It will probably also positively affect your mood, even if you hate clothes.  Feeling good about how you look really does make a giant difference.

If the answer is upwards from zero, you have more flexibility, and it is more beneficial to own a larger wardrobe.

Question Three:  How often do you (and are you willing to) do laundry?

If you are going for a zero effort wardrobe, this question is essential.  Once a week means you need clothing to last a week, so 7-9 items of whatever you wear each day.  If you switch between work clothing and leisure clothing, that means more clothes (about double, depending on your lifestyle).  Once every two weeks: double that.  Twice a week, and you can get by on much less, but you should buy clothes that are highly resilient to extra washing, and wash them as gently as possible.

Question Four:  Are you willing to pay for dry cleaning?

My answer: I'm not.  If I buy a piece of clothing in my wardrobe that says "Dry Clean Only," I will wear it once, say I will dry clean it when I have time, and never wear it again.  That is hugely wasteful, on so many levels.  So, I don't buy clothing that needs to be dry cleaned anymore.

Now, I know people who are so into not doing laundry that they send out all of their items to be washed, pressed, and/or dry cleaned, weekly.  If that is you, awesome.  Buy the beautiful Dry Clean Only items.  I will enjoy looking at them on you, and not doing dry cleaning myself.

Question Five: What is your relationship with ironing?

My answer: I don't.  I buy clothing that comes out of the dryer wrinkle free, or really close.  If you like ironing, again, you have more options.

Question Six: Do you have any allergies or skin sensitivities?

A great wardrobe should feel as comfortable as wearing your own skin.  Nothing should pinch, be too tight, too loose, too short, too long, itch, bunch, rub, drag, or constrict.  If you are allergic to any type of material, avoid it like the plague.  If you aren't the size of a mannequin (which trust me, even some mannequins require pins to look good in the ready-made clothing), find a great tailor, make your own clothes, or use a site, like eShakti.com, that makes clothing to your measurements.  No one should be trying to fit into a particular size.  The clothing should fit you.  If it doesn't, it's not your problem.  It's the wrong clothing for your wardrobe.  Like Beastie Dragon always says: "There is the right tool for every job.  Don't use my nice chisels to open paint cans."  You and your wardrobe deserve as much care and attention as a paint can.  **steps off soapbox**

This should be enough to get you started.  Remember, fashion is for everyone.  A lack of fashion sense is still fashion, and even if you choose not to participate, people can still see you and are assessing what you are wearing.  It's not what we try to do: judge people by their appearance.  It's not what we teach our children, or that we aim to judge people at all.  (What are we... gods?)  However, if it is how most people are, visual, that is, why not use it to your advantage and have a little fun?

If you are interested in future posts to explain how to work these questions to your best advantage or are very interested in the post on color theory, please comment below.

Goal Setting

Welcome!  This is a post about goal setting.  It is a direct off shoot from my The Motivation Files series, so if you'd like to read those posts, click here for: Part I, Part II, and Part III.  If you are looking specifically for goal setting tips, this is the place to be.

This post assumes that you have cleared out a big enough chunk of time in your schedule to do your favorite thing for as much time as is required to make you happy.  That's really great!  But now what to do with that time?

If you are at the beginning phases of your favorite thing to do, you may want to look into finding a teacher or mentor to help you improve to the point that you are quite skilled at your favorite thing to do.  They will help you with the goal setting process, deadlines, and possibly even contests or events that will help you keep moving forward towards being the best you can be at your favorite thing.

That aside, what if you have studied with teachers for years, possibly have a degree or two focusing on your favorite thing, and are really good at your favorite thing?  How do you keep yourself motivated then?  How do you have direction?  How do you not fall into a slump, and waste the time you worked so hard to create?

Happily, there are a lot of answers to this question.  I will share a few that have worked for me, but please feel free to post your own answers in the comments below!  Hopefully, what I have shared, along with your contributions, will allow this post to help people continue to enjoy, improve, and thrive doing their favorite thing(s).

Step 1:  Start small.

Having a goal of world peace as your first item on your to do list is probably a really bad idea.

Equally bad: cleaning your entire house, learning the Goldberg Variations by tomorrow, fixing everything you don't like about your relationships in your life by next Friday, or moving to Tibet in three days.

Your goal must be realistic and easy to accomplish.  This allows your brain to say: Yeah!  I did good!  Let's do that again!  (Remember, we want to stay motivated?  Right?)  The more you can encourage your brain to have that positive feedback loop, the larger the goals you can set for the future.  So, start small, and encourage yourself with success.

Great Starter Goals (Pick one!):

• Drink a glass of water when you wake up in the morning
• Eat a spoonful of local honey at breakfast to build up a resistance to local allergens
• Drink a glass of decaffeinated tea before you go to bed at night
• Take a 15 minute walk after lunch
• Read for 15 minutes before bed
• Take the stairs instead of the elevator
• Don't hit the snooze button, and wake up at the first alarm
• Meditate 5 days a week, for 3 minutes a day
• Pray before you go to bed
• Take off your shoes when entering your home
• Wash your dishes as soon as you are finished eating

All of these small goals are pretty non-specific, when it comes to one's favorite thing.  Some may apply to you, some you may already be doing, and some you may be absolutely repulsed by.  That's fine.  Choose one, or something similar that is small, and get started.  Try to do your new goal for a month.  See how it goes, and don't chastise yourself if you don't accomplish it the first time, just try again.  Once you accomplish your first goal, it will get you rolling towards much bigger things.  :)

Step 2: Figure out what type of schedule works for you.

I'm going to list options of schedules for a day of work below.  This specifically refers to my day of work, so it includes what I do creatively, and chores.  Each of these schedules caters to a different temperament.  One of them is exactly the one I use.  However, try any of them for yourself, and see which one feels freeing and productive, not constraining.  Once you find it, that is the one you use.

Schedule 1:

9:00 Wake Up
9:10 Make Coffee
9:15 Drink Coffee While Checking E-mail
9:30 Write Blog Post(s)
11:00 Yoga
11:40 Meditate
12:00 Eat Lunch
1:00 Run errands
3:00 Clean Bathrooms
5:00 Eat Dinner
6:00 Practice Piano
9:00 Knit/Read/Relax
12:00 Bedtime

Schedule 2:

To Do (By Priority):
1. Blog Post
2. Practice Piano
3. Meditate
4. Yoga
5. Run Errands
6. Clean Bathrooms

Schedule 3:

To Do (Checklist):

• Blog Post
• Practice Piano
• Meditate
• Yoga
• Run Errands
• Clean Bathrooms

The last schedule is the one that I use.  I like checklists.  They give me the freedom to do the tasks in whatever order I want, whenever I want, and everything still gets done.  Now for some of the tasks (run errands, being the one listed), timing is crucial (i.e. I cannot go to the pharmacy, if it is closed), but most of it is flexible, because I have made the time, and I am setting the rules.

Step 3: Make a longer term schedule, with deadlines.

Now that you know how you work.  Use the daily schedule to make a weekly or monthly schedule.  I find a combination of the two works best in my work, because I know how my weekly work pertains to my monthly (or yearly) goals.  I use the checklist model for this as well, but any organization that works for you is the right one.

Some of my current goals pertain to recitals I am having in the coming months (October and November).  My program has to be memorized.  I need something to wear.  People need to be invited (so I actually have an audience).  Et cetera.  All of these things are on my checklist.  Some of them (booking the hall, making Facebook events for each recital, etc.) are already completed.  Others, I am still working on.  Everything has deadlines, so by the date of the recital, I feel prepared, confident, and ready to go.

Step 4:  Work ahead of schedule.

If at all possible, work ahead of schedule.  If you are prone to procrastination, set your deadline for yesterday.  I am absolutely serious.  Get the work done!  This allows you to have freedom to take a day off when you want to.  It also allows for sick days that you won't try to work through, meaning overall, you will be much, much healthier.

I motivate myself to do this with the long ranging schedule.  Case in point: I wrote this post on September 10.  That gave me time to edit it, sleep on it, make sure it was right, and then post it confidently, today, September 25.  It also means if the circus comes to town, my work is already done: I can go without hesitation.  This type of freedom, for me, is invaluable, and makes everything about life more enjoyable.

Step 5:  Tell people you care about.

We are all human.  We all fall behind sometimes.  It is much easier to stay on track if you have someone you care about, ask you about a goal that was supposed to be done.  For me, that is more than enough to keep me going, or remind me that, wait... I haven't attended to x in a while.  I should get on that! 

If that isn't enough, set up consequences that your friends get to benefit from, if you don't complete your goals.  For example, you pick up the check at your next dinner out together, you wear a Halloween costume of their choosing to their party, or something similar.  Most friends are much more willing to help you make your goals, if they get to have fun doing so.

If you don't currently have awesome people in your life, bribe yourself.  I've done it.  It works beautifully.  When I was still teaching 50 students, I had the hobby of lifting weights.  I loved it, but it was easy for me to fall off track, due to how tired I was from teaching.  My bribe was: if I kept my exercising schedule for a month (which generally worked out to 12 training sessions), I treated myself to sushi.  Sushi is one of my favorite things to eat, and it did not go against my diet for my lifting goals at all.  A bribe like that is what you want to look for: a treat that will not harm your training if you don't make it to your goal, but also will not harm your training if you do.

Step 6:  Allow the schedule to have some flexibility.

For some people, this is terrifying.  If they don't follow their schedule exactly, it actually causes more stress and anxiety.  For those people, I highly recommend that you schedule in fun/relaxation.  It will help with your health, and you may actually be able to relax while participating and have a good time.

For others, working ahead gives you the freedom to throw your schedule out the window.  I am in this camp.  I love being able to do this.  The only caution is: don't do it every day.  Discipline in your favorite thing is what makes it great.  If you completely throw that to the wind, it is unlikely you will get anything done, and other things will creep back in and steal the time you made for it.  Anywhere from once a week to once a month should work for just about everybody (depending on your goals, of course).

So, as I said earlier in this post: please, please, please add anything in the comments below that helps you with goal setting!  My list is far from extensive, and there are tons of ways that this can be done.  Share and pay it forward!

Have a great week everyone!  :)

The Motivation Files, Part III

If you are just joining us now, below are links to the first and second parts of this series.  Enjoy!
The Motivation Files, Part I
The Motivation Files, Part II

For those of you who have kept up with my weekly posts so far, and completed the 8 steps, great job!  You are working towards using your time to do what you love!  What an exciting time!

For those of you just starting to read my blog posts, here are links to the first and second parts of The Motivation Files.  Try to take a week to complete each one.  In my experience, you will need the time to think deeply to give yourself the best tools to motivate yourself.  Some of you will have been looking for something like this for a while, and will successfully complete all the steps in one sitting.  Great!  Others will take far more time than a week to complete each step, let alone the steps outlined in each post.  Great!  Some of you will read all three posts, and complete part of it as your new year's resolutions for the next five years.  Great!  Or anything in between... Great!  And thank you for reading...

As always, if you have any questions on any of the steps, or you would like a blog post devoted to something specific that did not make sense, please, please, please comment below!  I'd love to hear feedback about anything and everything related to these posts.  Paying it forward doesn't help if you aren't listening to what people want or are speaking in a manner they don't understand.  So, help me help you!  Speak up!

As I mentioned last week, this week's post is about letting go and being ready to make the positive changes happen.  Ready?  Here we go!

This is the post about actually making changes in your life.  In the last two weeks, you have obtained the knowledge about what is required to have more time doing your favorite thing(s).  Today, I'm going to talk about how to make the changes to make it happen.

Depending on your own personal beliefs on change, this could be exciting, intimidating, terrifying, anxiety-ridden, or any other adjective you associate with change.  Change can be extremely hard for many people.  Like all of our negative reinforcement to do things in our culture, we associate change with bad.  This time, the change can't be bad: you chose it.  It is change to make your life into the life you want.  If it doesn't work, go back to weeks one and two, reassess, and try again.  There is no failure here, just trial, trial, trial, ad infinitum and then finally, success.  Woohoo!  Yeah!  Go team!

However, if you are not ready to make the changes, don't.

And now you're thinking: What the hell, Crimson?  You have been so positive up until this point.  What do you mean don't make the changes if you're not ready?  I want to improve my life!  I'm just also having a major panic attack over change.  But I'm so ready!

Exactly.  If you are having a panic attack right now, you're not ready.  Close this window, and go take care of yourself, please.  If the idea of changing anything in your life fills you with dread, it's simple: you're not ready.  And I am the first to tell you: that's okay.  It's not procrastination.  It's not laziness.  It's not that you're a wimp, and those ready to make the change today are stronger and better than you.  That's all just bullshit we tell ourselves to hold us back even further, and become paralyzed.

It's far more simple: you're not ready, and that's okay.

You might ready be tomorrow.

You might ready be next week.

You might ready be next month.

You might ready be next year.

And whenever you're ready, that's great!  It is, at that time, the right time, to change your life, for the better!  Woohoo!  Yeah!  Go Team!

I don't know what you are going through right now.  I'm not in your head.  I'm not in your body.  I haven't been through what you have gone through to shape you into who you are.  I don't know.  There are always reasons why we're not ready to change, and they are always valid.  Life doesn't come with a manual.  We learn as we go.  Sometimes life is really hard, and we need to heal before we can move and change.

And that's okay.  I repeat myself, that's okay.  Take the time to heal.  You will be a healthier, happier, stronger, more defined you for it.

How will you know when you are ready to make the change?  A few observations from my own experience:

1. You've already let go of what is unimportant and doesn't matter in you mind, so letting it go in real life is a breath of fresh air, and freeing, not scary.

2.  You're not scared, anxious, worried, having doubts, anymore.

3.  You already talk in past tense about things you haven't yet let go, but really want to.

4.  You talk in present tense about things you want to do.

5.  You excitedly tell family and friends where you're headed.

6.  You start making goals for what you want to do while doing your favorite thing.

7.  You wake up in the morning, with more energy than you used to have.  (I realize there is a spectrum on this, and some people will never be morning people, or morning will be after noon.  However, you have more energy.  Period.)

The best part of letting go of the things in your life that don't fit when you're ready: It's easy.  It's freeing.  It feels great.

Now, you're asking me:  What if some of the things I want to let go are complicated?  What if I own a company and I don't want to anymore?  What if I no longer want to spend all of my time raising my children (or something equally huge, responsibility wise)?  What if I don't know where to start?

First, when you're ready, everything will fall into place for whatever you want to let go to drop away.

Second, if what you want to let go is a huge responsibility, make sure it falls into the hands of someone who is capable, qualified, and that is their favorite thing to do.  Then, you will feel happier about it, and it will no longer be your responsibility.  Win win.  There is always someone who will have the dream of doing what you really don't want to do.

Case in point: I don't want to teach children piano lessons anymore, but there are thousands, if not more, highly qualified piano teachers out there who love what they do, and that is their favorite thing to do.  When I quit teaching at the school I was working for, I made certain the school had time to locate one of these fine people to fill my absence.  You can do the same.  It just needs to be the right time.

Third, if you are consciously, positively thinking about the opportunity you most desire, frequently, even though you have no idea how to get there, it will come to you.  The people, situation and/or opportunity will appear in your life, when you are ready to accept it.  Don't believe me?  I didn't believe such things a few years ago, but here I am with a roof over my head, food in the fridge, and I am currently "at work" working on my blog in the comfort of my living room.  I also have people in my life who love me for who I am, something I never thought would be possible.  What did I do to achieve this?  I thought about my dreams every day.  I looked for direction in the slightest of signs.  I prayed.  And suddenly, the situation appears where you have the ability to start to let go, as impossible as it may seem before the situation actually occurs.

So, have a little faith in yourself.  Have faith in your ability to make your dreams come true.  You don't need much at first; just enough to keep working towards your dreams a little bit every day.  It doesn't have to be in a benevolent universe, an omnipotent God, or anything supernatural, but it can be, if that helps.  Believe in you.  The rest will follow.

The steps for this week, for those who are ready:

Step 1:  Make a list of the things you wish to let go.

Step 2:  Decide that you are indeed ready to let go each of the items on the list.  

If you're not, cross off the item, and reassess in three months to a year.

Step 3:  Make a schedule and flexible plan of attack for how you are going to responsibly and happily let each item go.

Step 4:  Follow your plan.  

Make adjustments as needed.  Tell your family and friends what you intend to do so they can help keep you motivated, in addition to the self-motivation you have built by knowing what your favorite thing is, and why you are doing this.

Step 5: Congratulate yourself.  

You are one step closer to having the life you want, doing your favorite things.

This concludes The Motivation Files.  Next week's post will be about Goal Setting, and remaining motivated once you have cut out the time to do your favorite thing(s).

See you next week!

The Motivation Files, Part II

(If you haven't read The Motivation Files, Part I, click here.)

After reading last week's post, The Motivation Files, Part I, you may be asking yourself: Crimson, how do you know about motivating people?  Do you have a degree in life coaching?  The answer: I have a degree in piano performance which led me to have tons of practical experience.

When I was working in Michigan, I had a studio of over 50 piano students.  Yes, you read that right, five-zero.  While more than mildly insane, I learned a lot, in short order, about how to motivate people to attain their goals.  I not only worked with the students themselves, but their parents, because most 5-7 year olds do not have the ability to use abstract thinking, i.e. they cannot see a larger reason to do something other than their immediate wants and desires.  This is where their parents came in: to help their child(ren) achieve their first goal, so they could see, in concrete means, why practicing and working towards goals have value.

Big thoughts for the little guys, I know.  By having great success with the majority of my students on this, I not only had an amazing studio recital, but my students' focus, concentration, work ethic, motivation, and overall behavior improved in school and at home as well.  It was more common for the parent to start nodding and groaning when I spoke to the parent about a behavioral concern, and say something to the extent of: I just spoke with Student A's teacher about the same thing on Friday, than look at me like I'm talking about someone else's kid.  It was equally common when we worked and improved on any of these concerns in lessons, the next parent-teacher conference would have glowing reviews.

To be able to do this, I not only had to be able to motivate the students, but motivate their parents to help with practicing and following through on assignments.  This is not easy when we live in a culture where everything is based on negative reinforcement: bad grades (and in many cases, inflated, meaningless good grades), fines, punishment, loss of privileges, etc.  To switch gears to positive reinforcement of goals, especially in our own heads, can be mind-boggling, and feel impossible at first.  However, in my own experience and in working with others, it is one of the most positive things you can do to improve your life, and the lives of the people you hold most dear.

So, you completed the steps from last week, and you're looking for the next steps this week?  Great!  Here we go...

Step 1:  Write down the reasoning chains you thought about most in the last week.

WARNING: This may be painful.  Seriously.  Don't do this on a day when you are already low energy, your boss yelled at you, or you just want to shoot something.  You may find that nothing in your life is helping you achieve more time to do your favorite thing, that instead, you are focused on doing everything BUT your favorite thing.  From personal experience, I give you my most empathetic: OUCH!

The positive: knowledge is power.  Once you know that you are making the choices about how you spend your time, you can change it into the life you imagine, with way more time to do your favorite thing.  Sometimes, making these changes will happen slowly, to tie up loose ends, or incredibly quickly, because you have known but not acted on a change you've wanted to make and known about for a while.  It all depends on where you are now, and how aware and mindful you have been up until this point.

Once more for emphasis: this. might. hurt.  There, you have been warned.  However, today, you don't have to act on anything.  You're just obtaining information.  Let it sink in.  Breathe.  I'll talk more about acting on what you find next week.

Step 2: Prioritize the things you do in a week based on how important they are to you.

Easy peasy: write numbers (1-x) along your list based on your personal value of each item.

Step 3: Prioritize the things you do in a week based on how they help you achieve more time doing your favorite thing.

Write letters (A-Z) along your list based on how helpful they are in allowing you to have more time to do your favorite thing.

Step 4: Look at your numbers and letters.

Do they line up?  Are there items in your list that are both a 1 AND an A?  These items are probably a big deal, and you should try to prioritize them to have the most time.

Are there items that are a 1 and a Z?  Or a 10 and an A?  Items labeled 1 and Z are items that you may enjoy and are important to you, that don't at all help you have time to do your favorite thing.   Items labeled 10 and A are items that you hate doing that will definitely help you have time doing your favorite thing.

If the former and there are a lot of instances of this in your list, decide if you have a secondary favorite thing, and if you do, make a new list to support time to do that favorite thing as well.

If the latter, decide how important that thing you hate doing is to further doing your favorite thing.  Ask yourself: Is it important because someone else or I believe it is?  Can I pay someone else to do this to still obtain the benefit, but not have to spend time doing it?  Is it actually that important if I hate it that much?

Do you have two (or more) distinct 1 and A items?

This is probably the most exciting part about your list: you may have two favorite things (or more)!  That is totally cool.  It means your focus won't be quite as one-pointed as someone with one favorite thing, but it will still improve your life quickly by prioritizing your time to spend on your favorite things.

If you have two (or more) favorite things, decide how much time, ideally, you would spend on each one.  Do you want to do each one every day?  Once a week?  Once a month?  Once a year?  What will give you the motivation to keep going every day on all the other things you do in life?

Step 5: The big question of the week: Would making money doing your favorite thing make you happy?

This is indeed the big question.  There are two broad schools of thought on this: 1. If your work is something you love, you never work a day in your life.  2. Find a lucrative career you like, that pays for the hobbies you love.  Either of these can be right for you.  It all just depends on if you enjoy the careers offered in the fields you love, and if the job associated with your favorite thing, is actually your favorite thing to do.

In my case, I tried option one, and it didn't work for me.  Teaching is not the same thing as practicing, nor does it have the elements I love about practicing.  Teaching is working one on one with people to help them improve.  Practicing is working alone to improve yourself.  While I am a good teacher, and was very attached to many of my students, I would come home every day from work completely depleted.  I did not have the energy to do my favorite thing after work.  I had the energy to eat a microwave dinner, curl up in a ball on my bed and watch Netflix.  I wasn't writing.  I wasn't practicing (well).  I wasn't creating or improving on myself.  I was existing-ish.

I don't wish that sort of life on anyone, yet I know many of you reading this have been there, or are there right now.  If you are there right now, hang in there.  Try to find your way back to your favorite thing to do.  It will change.  Life always does.  It's one of those constant things that we can't escape, and in this case, it is almost always positive.

So, lots of things to think about this week... My post next week will be the third and last post of The Motivation Files and will be about letting go and being ready to make the positive changes happen.

See you next week!

As always, if you have any questions on any of the steps, or you would like a blog post devoted to something specific that did not make sense, please, please, please comment below!  I'd love to hear feedback about anything and everything related to these posts.  Paying it forward doesn't help if you aren't listening to what people want or are speaking in a manner they don't understand.  So, help me help you!  Speak up!

The Motivation Files, Part I

When I tell people I'm a pianist, the most common answer I get is: I used to take piano lessons when I was x years old, but (insert reason here), so I quit.  I really wish I didn't.  It's amazing you have stuck with it for so long.

I have always found this response to be incredibly sad.  Playing the piano is my favorite thing to do (writing being a close second), and the fact that so many people lost out on a chance to enjoy how wonderful it can be to sit down and play is really awful.  The worst part is, the skill that they weren't being taught in their lessons, (or it was presented in a way that didn't make sense or seemed like torture, depending on the case), is a skill everyone can use, no matter what field you are working in.  That essential skill is: motivation.  If you have motivation, there is no reason to quit.  You are obtaining value from your experience, and therefore, you continue to participate in that experience.  Easy.

However, when we look at our lives, there are plenty of things we HAVE to do, that we don't necessarily want to do, at all.  Case in point: filing your income taxes.  It is something (unless you have taken orders in some form of religious organization, and have no lay employees) that we all have to do.  It's not fun for most of us, and we do it to avoid negative consequences, the largest being: jail time.

I propose that one can have the motivation to complete things we don't want to do for positive reasons, and therefore, not mind them so much.  All it takes is a little thinking/planning, and reminders in a form that work for you.  Ready to get started?

Step 1:  What is your favorite thing to do?

This question should have a slightly different answer for everyone.  You should narrow down the answer to the most basic part of your favorite thing to do.  This is what will be your motivation for everything else that has to get done in your life, mostly, so you can get back to doing what you love (or make enough money to pay someone else to do it).

My favorite thing to do is playing the piano.  However, while I enjoy performing, am really good at teaching, get a charge out of lecturing, geek out over music theory, love reading about composers and musicians, and utterly fascinated by piano technology, practicing is my favorite thing to do.  So, my motivation, for most things, is having more time to practice.

Figure out your answer and be equally specific.  Remember: there is no right or wrong answer here!  It's only the wrong answer, if it's not actually your favorite thing to do, but what is the "Politically Correct" or "Advantageous" favorite thing to do.  This needs to be your ACTUAL favorite thing to do.  There is absolutely no reason anyone needs to know what it is, except you.  However, it would be incredibly advantageous for you to know what your motivation is: it's about to make your life easier.

Step 2:  How does your favorite thing to do make you feel?  Why is it your favorite thing to do?

Make a list of all the reasons why your favorite thing to do is your favorite thing to do.  This could be a list of adjectives as your background on your computer or tablet, pictures on Pinterest, post-it notes on your pin board over your desk, or magnets on your refrigerator.  Keep this list on hand where you will see it several times a day, for at least 2 months.  Look at it regularly, especially when things get hard, or you have to do something you don't necessarily want to do.  Enjoy having a purpose.

Step 3:  Start observing a chain of reasoning that everything in your life leads back to you having more time to do your favorite thing.

Time is a limited resource.  It is the most priceless limited resource, as we have no idea how much we actually have.  To be good at time management means you have an advantage over everyone around you who isn't.  The best part about time management is: anyone can improve, even those who are really good at it.

To be good at time management, you need to decide how to prioritize your time.  Your favorite thing to do should be priority one, most of the time.  If it's not, you aren't making the most out of your time.  Now, in certain portions of your life, or if you are just starting to change your priorities, your life can be filled with things you don't want to do: bills, arguments with your boss, a job you hate, taxi-ing your kids from one place to another, etc.  While it may take time to change your priorities, and you will probably never do your favorite thing 24/7 (in my case, a pianist can only practice at full intellectual capacity for 4 hours, at a time), you can make certain you get to do your favorite thing every day.

Person A is a great example of this.  Person A's favorite thing to do is running.  S/he owns his/her own business and works 14-16 hours a day.  S/he loves owning his/her own business, and would not work for someone else to have more time to run.  However, it is running that is his/her favorite thing to do.  So, how does s/he make certain s/he can run every day?  S/he wakes up at 4 a.m.  S/he enjoys the peace and quiet of the early morning hours.  On days s/he remembers to do this, s/he generally has a better and more productive day at work, because in the morning, s/he fed his/her motivation.  Is this a compromise?  Yes, but it is one s/he is happy with, and works based on his/her reasoning of how much time his/her passion requires to make him/her happy: an hour or two before work each day, more on the weekends.

Once you start thinking this way, you will start to see a hierarchy of what you really love to do, what works as a secondary means to feed your passion, what you don't mind in your life to "pay" for your favorite thing to do, what is essential, but you'd really like to spend less time on, and what doesn't fit at all.  That's great!  Make a list (however works best for you), and think on that until next week's post!

See you then!

As always, if you have any questions on any of the steps, or you would like a blog post devoted to something specific that did not make sense, please, please, please comment below!  I'd love to hear feedback about anything and everything related to these posts.  Paying it forward doesn't help if you aren't listening to what people want or are speaking in a manner they don't understand.  So, help me help you!  Speak up!